This joyful feeling!

Today as I sat in church, thinking about the people I have learned to love here, I got the most lovely feeling.  Lovely is a word used often here in New Zealand.  I have become quite attached to it because it is perfect for explaining how I feel right now.  I gave a talk on "Preparing for Ordinances" and it reminded me of some great experiences but standing there, looking out on that little band in this "wee small" church made my heart swell.  I could see the little couple from the last post who I am getting closer to every day.  They already fit into this congregation like a glove and they aren't even baptized yet.  I could see the young single mum with her little brood.  Three of them will be getting baptized on the 6th of April.  The other two are too young but their time will  come and the decisions of these last few days will change their lives forever.  I couldn't see the father who fought for his son.  He and that son are in difficult circumstances right now but my heart was with them in their struggle to strengthen themselves through the church.  I didn't see the little family who were baptized in October and who moved to another town where they are active in the church but I remembered the trip north with them last Sunday to receive her patriarchal blessing.  It was a wonderful trip and one I hope to make a few more times before we leave this place.

What if I had said no to this experience.  What if I had "chosen" the place I wanted to go rather than let the Lord choose for me.  What if I had decided that I really didn't want to go on a mission because I deserved some rest and I wanted to enjoy my grandchildren. What if, what if, what if.  I hope my sweet little Ashy who cried for grandpa and grandma the other day will someday understand that I gave up a little time with her which is precious and dear, to perhaps give eternity to some other wonderful people whom I have grown to love as my own.  Her tears have not gone unnoticed and I do miss her so very much but the tears of others have taken my heart and made it more tender as well. 

I hope that all my family will somehow come to understand that grandpa and grandma did a very hard thing in leaving them to bring about a couple of things of great importance.  One of those things is to bring the gospel to a few people who I know were chosen for us to meet.  God gives his love to each of us individually and often through other people.  The other thing is to set a precident and heritage for our family.  We want our family to know that missionary "sacrifices" bring about great joy in the long run.  I have never had these particular feelings before in my life.  I want all of my family to participate in the feeling you get when you see the "light" very literally turned on in someone else' eyes and life.  It is like no other feeling in the world and when you feel it, you want it more.

This joyful feeling is the one that has driven prophets and apostles and missionaries throughout the history of the gospel to want to share it again and again and again.  It is the knowledge that another one of your brothers and sisters has been given the opportunity to go home again, clean and unspotted by the world to live in the presence of Heavenly Father and all of the brotherhood that exists there.  There is no feeling quite like it.  It is a change of heart that makes you less of a selfish soul and more in tune with the spirit.  It is the feeling that quiets you, calms you and makes you whole.  This truly is a joyful feeling and it is worth the pursuit.