To Our Children and Grandchildren (and anyone else who cares to read this)

Dad and I have talked about this much while we have been away from you in the far land of New Zealand, Aotearoa, The Land of the Long White Cloud.  What have we talked about?  We have talked about the effect this experience has had on each of you.  We hope you remember it for a long, long time. 

The hardest thing to do in coming here was not going through the tests or the application or the money we had to find to be able to do it or the waiting to come here.  It was not leaving our house or selling the car.  It was not going to a new land that we knew very little about.  It was not going to a place that we knew virtually no one.  It was not new customs or old traditions or learning to understand the Queen's English. 

The hardest thing was leaving all of you when we love and care about each of you so very much.  It was missing the birthdays and the baptisms and the Black Belt tests and all of the dance and music recitals.  It was missing all the little milestones for which we have normally been present.  It was the hugging and the kissing and the talking and the crying.  It was the learning and the growing and the totally deep understanding even in differences that exists in a family that truly, truly cares for each other.

We see very little of that depth of caring here and we cherish it more than ever before but the point is, THE POINT IS, we were willing to give up something we wanted badly now for something we knew would be a pattern for the future.  We know that while this has been very hard for all of us, it teaches you that it is important to do hard things for the betterment of others.  Because we have done this, we have learned things we could have learned no other way.  We appreciate each other like we never have before and we appreciate you in a way not possible had we not been separated from you.

We have seen you love and support one another without us.  I don't know what that means to you but it means a great deal to dad and I.  We have seen you be there for us and for each other.  We have seen growth in you that you perhaps do not see in yourselves.  We have seen the fruits of your labors as well as ours.

We expect to see videos and pictures of many events that we missed.  We hope you remember why we were not there.  We have often thought, "What can we say if we miss this thing."  We counteracted that with, "What would we tell the Lord if we didn't do this thing we undertook to do."

We now understand even better the depth and breadth of our love for one another lies in our commitment to do hard things for the greater good.  We hope we pass on a legacy of loyalty, love, faith, commitment to do the right things for the right reasons, to give up what we want now for for something that will make a better future for all of us.

I would never change this in spite of it's difficulty.  It has made us and you better children of our Heavenly Father and better brothers and sisters in Christ.  NOTHING ELSE is of so great an import!

So This is What It Feels Like!

Ever since I was old enough to understand, I have wondered what the feeling was that missionaries always talked about when they came home.  I have wondered why it was so hard for them to leave and why even though they really wanted to come home, it was a bitter-sweet experience.  Well, now I understand.

Some missionaries don't have this feeling.  Some of them can hardly wait for the time to go home to come.  We have seen a few of them here.  They are "trunky" from the day they come 'til the day they leave.  They make it hard for themselves and for everyone else.  We try to help them get over it but they just don't get it.  They don't seem to understand that if you love the people and throw yourself into the work, it goes by too fast and then you are in this stage that Ken refers to as the "long slow death".

We are excited to be coming home to our fabulous, amazing family but, like the little graphic on the Branch President's wall here, our hearts are torn.  We desparately want to go home to our family but our hearts are torn and bleeding.  We have come to love the people here so much.  We have seen the mysterious workings of the Lord in so many ways.  We have been a part of conversion and healing.  We have loved and laughed and cried with many.  We want to go home but a part of us wants to stay.

I hate to leave our investigators that didn't quite get to the font.  We love them and have great hopes for them in the future.  One husband and wife want to come to Salt Lake to be baptized.  It is a long and complicated story that has led him especially to believe that when he comes to SLC, he will have come home.  We are hoping that he may come to realize that he needs the help of the Holy Ghost before he can collect enough money to come.  I worry about that though I have no doubt that he is sincere in his very real desire.  I worry about our converts.  Will they stay strong enough?  Will they get the support they need?   I guess that now, I have to be like Heavenly Father and trust that the hands we leave all of them in will be strong yet tender enough to do what is right for them.

I have intermittent crying jags as does Ken.  Something will remind us of someone and the water works go on.  We had Stake Conference today and we said good bye to all those people in Christchurch that we have some to love.  Pres. Kezerian spoke and told us good bye.  I cried.  Michael was conferred the Melchizedek PH.  I cried.   Many people said their good byes to us.  I cried.  This next and last week will be harder than I ever imagined because this experience has been better than I ever imagined.

I won't quit crying for a few days and yes, John you will be able to trace me on your airlines tracker by the vapor trail I leave behind but I wouldn't have it any other way.  It has been so hard but so worth it!  This is what it feels like.  If you don't like to experience feelings, don't do this and certainly don't put your heart in it.

A Big Chunk of My Heart!

Well, it has already started!  Yesterday I said good bye, up close and personal to Mt. Cook.  A couple of weeks ago I said good bye to Moeraki Boulders and Oamaru.  Today, I started the long, painful process of good bye to a whole lot of people that I have come to know and to love.

I have been crying a good part of the day already.  I love this place so much and it is just dawning on me just how much.  I didn't really understand how attached you can get to some brothers and sisters that you had never known before in such a short time but then, I had never been on a mission before.  I had never committed my heart to spreading the gospel to everyone I meet, I had never been part of baptizing people into the true gospel of Christ in such a hands on way.  I will be leaving a big chunk of my heart here in a little place named Timaru.

Ken has always said that he could tell how successful a missionary has been by how they act when they get ready to leave and go home.  If they have a difficult time leaving, then they have truly served.   If you judge it in that way, our mission has been very successful at least for us.  My heart and mind have changed in so many ways that I can't count them.  My philosophy has changed, my understanding has changed, my desires have changed and I will never be the same again.  At least I certainly hope that I won't quickly slip back into my old ways.  That is the last thing I want.

Yes!  It has been the best of times and it has been very difficult at times.  I wouldn't dare to say that it has been the worst of times.  It has been nothing near the worst.  I guess it is a relative thing.  I do know that I am so blessed.  God has given me an opportunity that many do not receive.  I hope that I have been a profitable servant.  I know at least a few whose lives will be ever changed in part because Sister and Elder Jarvis came to a little town in New Zealand which they knew nothing about and opened their hearts and minds.  I now know what it truly is to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not unto mine own understanding.

I would never have chosen this place nor would I have put me in this particular place knowing what I know about me but the Lord and his servants knew more and I am the biggest beneficiary of this service.  I want to thank my sweetheart and my family for encouraging me to do this thing that seemed so very big at the outset but which became more and more comfortable as I watched the Lord's plan take shape.  I can honestly say that I have not had one minute of anxiety about coming here.  I do have anxiety about leaving, especially the people that we have baptized.  I do know that like Heavenly Father sent us on our own, it is time for these people to prove themselves herewith and I have to trust that they will do the right thing.

Yes, I can leave Mt. Cook and Moeraki Boulders, Oamaru, Waimate and Timaru, Dunedin and Christchurch and the gorgeous, gorgeous sea, the clouds, the flowers and the birds.  They will each keep a part of my heart but the biggest chunk will be with the beautiful friends I have made here in New Zealand.  I hope I don't waste a single minute that I have left.

I'm Still Becoming

Been home from the temple trip for 5 days already.  I spent a couple of them being sick and not getting what I wanted to write down so I had better do it now.

We had the opportunity to go to the Hamilton Temple on the 8th.  We didn't arrive there until late in the evening because of many frustrating reasons and I was really wound.  Ken and I had received a call previously asking us if we had seen the temple film yet.  The person calling said they had been to three temples on one day and were planning two more temples for that day.  I guess they had forgotten that we live 800 miles from the temple and so it is a big deal to get to the temple just once a year.

Our stake plans a trip every October.  There is housing at the temple but they are closing everything in a plan to take down and rebuild.  Plans for lodging and travel were really tenuous this year and so lots of people couldn't go.  Last year we had 415 going but this year there were lots fewer.  It made a big impression on me how lucky we are at home to have so many temples so close.  It takes many months of planning and the better part of a thousand dollars to take the two of us to the temple for a few days here.

It was a great experience which is likely to be our last here.  We saw the new film which we really loved because of the thinking it allows you to do.  We were witnesses at our last session and Ken got to baptize our branch kids including one of our converts for about 220 people.  That was awesome.  We got many new insights and thoughts from all of this.  We are so blessed.  We went to a wedding today and it was nice out in the open air but it is not the same as a sealing in the temple.  I feel so fortunate to have the blessings of being sealed to our family in the temple of the Lord.

We got to take a couple of days and look around the north island while we were there but it didn't seem of much import when compared with the blessings of going to a sacred place in order to bless so many others.  My perspective has changed so much on this mission.  I have so much more appreciation of all the blessings of the gospel.  I hope that when I return home, I don't lose that perspective too quickly.  It has made an important difference in who I am becoming.

Not A Typical Day In "Paradise"

Well, with the perspective for today, I look on yesterday and realize how quickly the world can bounce up and down in our little corner. No, we haven't had an earthquake in the literal sense but emotionally, it has been somewhat like a very slow quake.

We woke very early yesterday to correct some problems with Ken's work at home and to make a call to my brother who is again in the hospital.  Kent seemed to be in good spirits in spite of the fact that he had made it through another crisis and for this I was very grateful.  Kent's and Jeanne's year has not been an easy one and I am so grateful they are doing as well as they are after Jeanne's surgery and Kent's hospitalization in a few days time.

We got ready and went out on our appointments as we would on a typical day.  We had set up three and the first two went well.  For the third one, we had made a plan which we felt inspired to make and it couldn't have gone better than the plan.  You could feel the spirit heavily and it was one of those moments that you savor and enjoy for a while.  Our lesson plan was perfect and our investigators asked questions that led directly into what we wanted them to understand.  I got a little chastisement from him on using my artistic talents better and then we left, feeling pretty spiritually high.

On to our dear friends home for dinner with them and the elders.  It was a lovely dinner staged for my birthday with much love.  I couldn't help but wonder how our lives would be changing when we return home soon and think about those we would be leaving here.  We had cake and ice cream.  I received a dear "wee" card which Pat had made and I will cherish and we had a tiny fireworks show.  We finished up with lessons and discussion led by the elders.

We stayed a while after the elders left and discussed many things with our still fledgling members and then left for home after "family" prayers.  Ken went straight to the computer when we got home and there was an e-mail with pictures of our 12 year old granddaughter's latest accomplishment.  Seems like Brinna had shot her very first 3 point buck on the muzzleloader hunt.  We were so excited and happy for her.  She is her daddy's little buddy and his good hunting partner not to mention she may be training to be the next Annie Oakley.  Lots of venison in store for the Jarvis family!

Ken then went on Facebook.  I heard him say, "There is a beautiful picture of David and his girls!"  Things were okay until he read why the picture was on there.  Heather had posted it because her daddy had died.  Now, David has been a little miracle in our lives for about 45 years.  We were heart-broken along with possibly hundreds of others.  At the same time, we were excited at the prospect that David is free from his wheel chair and running full speed on the other side.  Our hearts ache for his family but they rejoice for him.

David is the 4th neighbor who has left us for a better world in the last month or so.  We had hoped to see all of them on returning home but I guess we will have to wait until we return HOME!  It is a weird feeling.  We will miss them all very much but perhaps we will miss David's indomitable spirit the most.  What an example he has been to us all of a life well lived in spite of daunting physical incapacity!  He is the prime example of making more than the most of what you have been given.  We'll miss you Anna Grace, Von, Walden and David but we will not be too far behind.

Give us a little time though, we still have some children to love and some grandchildren to help become all that they can be, much like Kathy has done for David.  Make the most of what you have and perhaps people will be saying beautiful things about you like David is having said about him.

Is There Time Enough? Have We Done All We Could?

When I first came here, I had no idea how hard it was going to be to get ready to leave.  Yup!  It is starting to hit me as I go see my new friends and family now.  We just spent a couple of pleasant hours with our branch president and his family who invited us to "tea".  We have grown to love them and so many others here.  We have never felt alone since we arrived.  The president and his sweetheart was in our living room the very first night and we have bonded with them and many others.

We have learned so much but the time flies faster and faster as the time to leave grows closer and we feel an urgency to do everything we can to leave this place better than when we came.  We hope we have done that.  Due to our presence helping the Lord, 12 new members exist in the area and have a different outlook on what is important in life.  We hope the "old" members have some different points of view because we came.

There is no way to assure that you have left a legacy so to speak but you do your best and hope that something you have done has touched a few.  We are still teaching a couple and when we leave their house each time our first question is, "Is there enough time!"  We hope there is but if not, we hope that others will take up our quest to give them heaven.

Only two months left.  So little time and so much still to do.  Will it be enough?  We can only do our best and hope the angels we are trying to call down remain to finish the work.

I Will Remember: Clouds, Sunrises and Sunsets

They say Montana is "Big Sky Country".  I love Montana and I love the big sky.  The sky here runs sea to sea, horizon to horizon.  It is easy to see how this country got the name Aotearoa because as the name implies, it really is the land of the long, white cloud.  Those long white clouds are amazing.

They fill the sky and then they are gone as fast as they came.  They are stratus, cumulous, nimbus and many other clouds, sometimes all at the same time.  They are tinged with cream, peach, gray, baby blue.  It is easy to use your imagination watching these clouds.  They are wispy and fluffy, cotton puffs and lambs wool.  They are heavy with rain or light "as a cloud".

I have taken dozens of pictures of just clouds.  I love the sunrises and the sunsets.  It is not uncommon to see Elder and Sister Jarvis madly dashing to the end of the street in the early morning when they realize there is an awesome "red sky at morning" over Washdyke ocean.  We grab our slippers, robes and both cameras and head out as fast as possible to catch that fleeting moment.  It doesn't last long.  Click, click, click and then it is gone but not to digital or our memories.

The sun comes up in a ball of fire and paints the whole sky with gorgeous shades of red, coral, purple and violet.  It is never the same.  In the evening, it reverses itself, setting over the southern alps.  the shades are often the same and are so awe inspiring.

There is nothing I like better than to look out the kitchen or lounge window to see some fantasy sculpture carved in the clouds, a tiger, a dog, an alligator.  It is amazing to be traveling through the mountains and see the puffs of smoky clouds hanging in over the peaks making them look as if they are "floating on a cloud".

I will miss these vistas of Aotearoa but they will always be carved in the clouds in my mind.