For the Love of It

For many years now, I have thought of myself as being pretty good at loving people.  I think that has come about partly because of my basic nature but also partly because of the tests God has seen fit to send into my life.  We all get tests.  Many we don't enjoy but they force our growth.  My growth came in learning to love that which at outward appearance would seem difficult to love. 

When we were told that we had 2 deaf children and then lost our third child in 10 days time, I didn't want to even live let alone view this test as a vehicle for love and growth.  Looking back on those days is still somewhat painful but only from this point of view can I see what really came about because I was forced to confront something that I otherwise would not have done.  From the point of view of age and experience, I can see the love that Heavenly Father had for me when he gave me that test all in one big chunk instead of 3 smaller ones.  A friend of mine once told me, "You can only hurt so much."  I think Heavenly Father knew that and so gave me that trial all at once in a sense to help me have to "survive" it only once.  I didn't understand it at all until I had Micah and discovered I went through that pain and mourning for something lost all over again in a time when I was better prepared for it. 

I have learned to hold dear those experiences of those days because they were part of making me what I am now.  They brought me to the place where I saw that there was much more to life than the superficial things we cling so tightly to.  They brought me to a place where I learned to love the less than perfect Dale's and Theresa's, Rob's and Tony's, all the less than perfect people that so enriched my life.  My journey in the deaf community taught me to see and love people as they really are, as Heavenly Father sees them.  My time at the Transient Services Office taught me the same.  Some of these people made their own pain in a sense, some of them did not but they are all God's children and my brothers and sisters.  I have never really had any prejudices or pre-conceived ideas about people in general but if I had, they would have been swept away but the love that washed over me while working with all of these, God's children.

Coming here to New Zealand has been another of those experiences.  I have never met so many people that I felt I had known before.  It happens again and again almost everywhere I go here.  Usually the people I meet and "know" are not the well to do types but the simple, tender and sensitive spirits that I find everywhere I turn.  They have multiple problems, racial problems, family problems, problems with abuse in all it's forms, normal everyday frustrating problems.  It has taken me in most cases almost no time at all to learn to love them.  I hate what I see all about them but it isn't hard to love them, my brothers and sisters.  My capacity to love has grown by leaps and bounds.  I have found a whole new family here.  They don't look like me or talk like me.   They don't in some cases even think like me but I love them still.  They frustrate and confuse me.  They baffle and confound me.  They teach me and I am a willing student.  The Spirit helps to fill my cup and often it runs right over.

This joyful feeling!

Today as I sat in church, thinking about the people I have learned to love here, I got the most lovely feeling.  Lovely is a word used often here in New Zealand.  I have become quite attached to it because it is perfect for explaining how I feel right now.  I gave a talk on "Preparing for Ordinances" and it reminded me of some great experiences but standing there, looking out on that little band in this "wee small" church made my heart swell.  I could see the little couple from the last post who I am getting closer to every day.  They already fit into this congregation like a glove and they aren't even baptized yet.  I could see the young single mum with her little brood.  Three of them will be getting baptized on the 6th of April.  The other two are too young but their time will  come and the decisions of these last few days will change their lives forever.  I couldn't see the father who fought for his son.  He and that son are in difficult circumstances right now but my heart was with them in their struggle to strengthen themselves through the church.  I didn't see the little family who were baptized in October and who moved to another town where they are active in the church but I remembered the trip north with them last Sunday to receive her patriarchal blessing.  It was a wonderful trip and one I hope to make a few more times before we leave this place.

What if I had said no to this experience.  What if I had "chosen" the place I wanted to go rather than let the Lord choose for me.  What if I had decided that I really didn't want to go on a mission because I deserved some rest and I wanted to enjoy my grandchildren. What if, what if, what if.  I hope my sweet little Ashy who cried for grandpa and grandma the other day will someday understand that I gave up a little time with her which is precious and dear, to perhaps give eternity to some other wonderful people whom I have grown to love as my own.  Her tears have not gone unnoticed and I do miss her so very much but the tears of others have taken my heart and made it more tender as well. 

I hope that all my family will somehow come to understand that grandpa and grandma did a very hard thing in leaving them to bring about a couple of things of great importance.  One of those things is to bring the gospel to a few people who I know were chosen for us to meet.  God gives his love to each of us individually and often through other people.  The other thing is to set a precident and heritage for our family.  We want our family to know that missionary "sacrifices" bring about great joy in the long run.  I have never had these particular feelings before in my life.  I want all of my family to participate in the feeling you get when you see the "light" very literally turned on in someone else' eyes and life.  It is like no other feeling in the world and when you feel it, you want it more.

This joyful feeling is the one that has driven prophets and apostles and missionaries throughout the history of the gospel to want to share it again and again and again.  It is the knowledge that another one of your brothers and sisters has been given the opportunity to go home again, clean and unspotted by the world to live in the presence of Heavenly Father and all of the brotherhood that exists there.  There is no feeling quite like it.  It is a change of heart that makes you less of a selfish soul and more in tune with the spirit.  It is the feeling that quiets you, calms you and makes you whole.  This truly is a joyful feeling and it is worth the pursuit.

Am I Willing?

After my bishop told me long ago that a mission was not for me at the time, I pretty much decided that I would never have the experiences I hear RMs talk about.  Turns out my bishop was right because I ended up marrying one of those returned missionaries who told me of even more of those amazing experiences.  I loved to hear the stories but was pretty well resigned to the fact that I would never have those experiences even after we put our mission papers in.  I was so wrong.

Today I had another one of those "I don't understand because I have never had them" experiences.  The difference is that now I do understand because I have had more than one.  It seems though that each one eclipses the previous one and so you forget for a while but as Ken says, "It gets in your blood!"  He's right!  Each one becomes even more precious than the one before.  Our first one was great!  The second one was awesome!  This one was amazing!  I have run short of words to really describe the feeling.  Ken says too that it is hard to find words to explain a spiritual experience and he is right but I am going to try.

We met a lovely couple right after we arrived here.  There is no way you could call it a chance meeting as we have discussed with them many times.  We were headed home from a walk, were at our front door and Ken said, "Let's walk down to the nursery."  The nursery was just down the street.  We had no reason to go there in the middle of winter and with no garden to plant but we went.  As we were talking to the nursery man, a car pulled in, a man got out and made a b-line straight to us.  He looked right at our name tags, asked us who we were, made some small talk and invited us to his house.  We went.  This began a really nice friendship.

We were together often and talked of many things including families and politics and religion but we did not feel it was the right thing at the time to become too serious about gospel talks.  We got to know them really well.  We would call each other occasionally and get together at one another's homes.  We found we had a great deal in common.  She wrote in our journal that we were of different religions but we believed the same things.  That was several months ago when we had them to dinner one night.  We invited them to the branch Christmas party and that sparked more curiousity.   They felt a closeness to the members and noticed that "no one seemed to have an agenda".  In this time, we had numerous experiences that prepared us all for today.

Three weeks ago, on the verge of forgetting about teaching the gospel and possibly the friendship, we took a chance because it seemed we were making no progress in our friendship or the gospel.  Ken said, "Will you let us come and 'do what we do'."  The husband answered that he thought we had been doing what we do.  We told him we wanted to give them formal lessons and they agreed.  We started teaching them and giving them more and more church materials.  We invited them to church and they came.  We kept teaching, they kept coming. 

The first week they came to church we were not there and they stayed only for sacrament which was fast meeting.  The second week they stayed the whole time.  Last Tuesday we asked him to pray (because he hadn't been when we asked before).  Last Thursday she told us she was not going to join the church just because someone said she should.  Since she was alone that night, we invited her to read and pray about it.  Saturday, when Elder Jarvis and a stake visitor went to their home, he prayed aloud in the actual order of prayer.  He prayed again Sat. night when we gave another lesson.  Sunday they stayed at church and met with the branch president and were the last to leave.  Tuesday, we gave them the thought of a target date of either April 5 or 6 as a baptism date.  They grabbed me in the hall later and told me when they thought they might be ready.  He had counted the days 'til that date.  She came to Institute and Tai Chi that night.

Today, we taught them about the role of women in the church, faith and the Godhead in the morning and were invited back to teach them about tithing this afternoon.  This afternoon, after the lesson, they informed Ken (Elder Jarvis) that they were going to be baptized on April 5th.  We cried!  We have worked hard for this day.  We have loved and given up and gone again and gotten totally discouraged.  We have decided not to try numerous times but then I would get the prompting that we were not to give up.  I don't know why, but most of the time it was me saying that we could not quit.  I would hear a song and say, "This is for ______."  I heard a talk and we took it to them.  They listened to it 4 or 5 times.  They saw 'Les Miserables' and loved it.  Shortly after that, I was looking thru Motab music and found 'Bring Him Home' with Alfie Bowe.  They loved it.

We thought we would ask them about April 5 or 6 because of the anniversary of the Savior's birth, the birth of the church and all of that.  We threw in the 5th because it was our daughter's birthday and the true Christmas Eve.  Turns out, April 5th was the anniversary of her first marriage.  They both had previous spouses who died and whom they love.  I can't put every sacred thing or every non-coincidental experience down here.  Suffice it to say, that for all of us, this was meant to be.  We are so glad our assignment was changed.  We will soon have 8 converts to the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I am absolutely sure that He cares deeply for every single one of them and for us.  There are no accidents.  His plan has purpose if we are willing to follow.  Because we followed, our hearts are full to overflowing tonight and for many nights to come.

Invercargil to Queenstown

Well I thought maybe I would catch up on the rest of our trip.  After we left Invercargil, we headed up to Te Anau.  On the way there, we stopped at Gemstone Beach where I was seriously attacked by sand flies.  I really hate the little things and I am still itching.  Seems like it lasts forever!  It was a lovely beach though and we got to watch someone riding their horse on the beach which was fun.  It made me remember riding a horse on the beach in Venezuela.  There were about a zillion of those gorgeous shells with the pink inside on that beach and I didn't even think to get off and pick one up!  We picked up a few interesting rocks on this beach in NZ but there were very few shells.

We stopped at a little op-shop on the way.  There was a cute little lady there named Glennis.  She showed me a book on Christ and meditation that she was reading.  In return, I gave her a Book of Mormon and a Finding Faith in Christ DVD.  She was excited about that.  She said she was going to leave them out and maybe her children would see them and get some ideas.  She was a shiny person and I will never forget her little cute face.  There was not a lot more to see on the way to Te Anau except for the Southern Alps becoming closer and bigger.  They are really amazing.  A lot of the inland country here reminded me of home.

In Te Anau, we stayed at a nice little B&B called the Shakespeare Inn.  It was really nice and the host was so helpful.  He told us what we needed to go and see on our way to Milford Sound.  We wandered around town and watched an awesome video about Fjordland which Milford Sound is part of.  The photography was breathtaking and the music was great.  There was no naration and that was perfect.  We bought a copy of the video so we can see it again and again.  It is kind of strange here.  We had hoped to get a few things for kids and grandkids as rememberances but there is not all that much commercialization here.  Ken couldn't even find anything that said Milford Sound on it.  I think he was a little disappointed.

On the way to the sound on Saturday, we stopped in a place that has an interesting podocarp forest.  It was easy for me to see why the Lord of the Rings movies were shot here.  The trees are covered with all kinds of moss.  There are big burls on the trees that give you the feeling that there are trolls and hobbits and strange creatures at every turn.  There are lots of holes in the trees that look like something might pop into or out of them at any time.  Ken stood under a big burl that looked like a sort of deformed buffalo.  The kids would love it there.  Your imagination kind of runs wild.  We also stopped at Mirror Lakes and that is really beautiful.  The water is perfectly calm and them mountains are reflected there.  The lake looks like it has the real mountain and the mountains look misty and distant.

Milford Sound was an amazing place.  We had sunshine almost the whole trip and so we didn't have to contend with rain.  The scenery leaves you at a loss for words.  Our sound cruise was on a big sailing ship called the Milford Mariner.  They also use it for overnight cruises but they are even more pricey than the day cruises.  The ship went right up under one waterfall and Ken and I were at the front so we got that experience close up and personal and a little wet!  We saw lots of seals but mostly we were inpressed by the mountains that rise straight out of the ocean.  There are tons of waterfalls and this was a dry day.  The colors of blue you see are incomparable. It was a great trip.

We stopped at a place called The Chasm on the way back.  It is an unbelievable waterfall.  You can hear it and feel it before you see it.  It roars so loud!  It was my favorite shade of aqua and it rushed through these cut rocks in a way that I can't even explain.  I could have stayed there for hours.  The colors were amazing, the rock formations cut by the water were incredible and the sound was something else.  All in all, the Milford Sound area was an unforgetable experience.  On the way out to Queenstown, we left the manager of the Inn a Book of Mormon and said good bye to a lovely experience.

On to Queenstown.  It is the Park City of New Zealand only it sits on a huge lake.  We got an amazing deal at the Queenstown Hilton.  It was easily the nicest place we have stayed in years.  It is across the lake on a peninsula away from the main town so it is quiet and relaxed.  We really enjoyed our time there just relaxing with our fireplace and the patio doors open to enjoy the rain which came while we were there.  We went on the gondola to the top of a peak above the lake and watched people going on the luge and bungy jumping as well as mountain biking.  Being the adventurer, risk takers that we are, we decided against bungy jumping!  Sorry Jase, we are not up to your daring level.

We said good bye to Queenstown and headed home having had a wonderful time and having done a little missionary work as well.  We seem to be able to make a lot of contacts while we are out and about on our little wanders.  We are still looking at each other and saying, "Is this really happening!"  To top it off, we got lots of texts on the way home telling us our investigators had come to church and that there were close to 90 there.  What better way to top off a wonderful trip.

Strange Happenings at the End of the World

Yesterday we had a really great time.  We drove to Dunedin on Wednesday afternoon and then to Invercargill yesterday.  President Kezerian has given seniors the opportunity to take some side trips as long as we behave ourselves and try some missionary work as well.  The road from Denediin to Invercargill is really beautiful and interesting.  The route lies along an area named the Catlins.  It is extremely beautiful and has some amazing features.

We first stopped at Balclutha to see the Clutha (Clyde) River.  It is a beautiful shade of turquoise.  I don't think I have ever seen a river that color before.  It is also large, supposedly the largest in New Zealand and has lovely arched bridge.  It reminded me of London Bridge in Lake Havasu Az.  We then went to what is supposed to be the most photographed waterfall in New Zealand.  It was only a short walk, not very hard, through podocarp forest that is gorgeous.  There are ferns there that are 15 feet high and look more like trees.  The fall sits in the middle of this and it was easy to see why it is so photographed.  I would have taken more pictures if my battery hadn't died! Lol.

We stopped at a little roadside truck to have fish and chips (Blue Cod and it was yummy) and talked with a lady there.  She looked like she had been badly burned on her face and all of her limbs were covered in tatoos.  Ken talked with her for a bit like he does and she seemed very happy when we left her.  I think he made her day.  On the way there we had gone down to another area of beach to sea a lighthouse.  We stopped to walk on the beach and talked with a man from Switzerland.  He was mostly complaining about how there is "no history" in New Zealand.  Well, isn't that the point!  It is a pretty new country compared to Europe and it's "history" is quite different.  Some people don't get it.

We next stopped at an amaziing place called Curio Bay.  You have to go there at low tide to see things and we got there just right.  We spent a long time there.  The bottom of the bay there is covered with petrified wood.  You would not believe the huge logs that are there and the stumps just sticking up out of the ground.  It was so fascinating to look at all that and wonder what happened probably millions of years ago.  Some of the logs looked like they had been burned first.  There were so many things to see and the ocean there was so gorgeous that it was hard to leave.  There are also penguins there late in the day but we couldn't wait because we had places to go and things to do.

Next stop, Slope Point, the southernmost point on the South Island.  It said it was a 20 min. walk and we had spent a lot of time at Curio Bay but after a short debate, we decided we "would never get here again" so we went.  I think the 20 min. walk turned out to be round trip becaue it didn't seems to take too long.  I'm really glad we went because it not only was beautiful but we met to lovely ladies from Germany.  They were sisters named Heidi and Monica.  They said they were 42 and 46 but they looked 20 something.  We had a really good gospel conversation with them and they said they would watch for the missionaries in Germany.  They took our picture at the sign post to prove we did it!  We were going to get them a B of M and a video but they beat us old folks back and left too fast.  Turns out I gave that stuff to a lady named Glennis in an op shop today.  What a sweetie!  We had a nice talk as well.  She said it would be good to have that around so that her children might see and become interested too.

After we got to our motel in Invercargill and had some dinner, we drove down to a place named Bluff where you can drive up on top of a hill and see Stewart Island.  I got some great photos and there is a really nice lookout tower with lots of history and stuff.  We had ice cream at a little dairy there then drove to a really unique new Marae there.  It is very different from the others we have seen.  It was a very long day but we saw some lovely things and met some great people.  It's quite amazing who you can meet at the End of the World!

Resilience!

If there is one thing that this life has taught me it is that if you don't have this (resilience) you are in for a really tough ride.  My life has taken all the twists and turns I thought it would never take.  I have had experiences I thought I would never have, gone places I thought I would never go, done things I thought I would never have to or want to do.  I have learned things I thought I would never have to learn.  I have learned I am nothing if not resilient.

As I spend more time in this life that is new to me in a place that is new to me doing things that are new to me, I have learned that Heavenly Father made people resilient in order to just survive this experience that is not natural to their eternal spirits.  I have seen people here whose lives make mine look like a piece of cake even though it never has been one.  I have had my share of ups and downs, disappointments and heartaches, surprises and agonies.  I hear stories here that still blow my mind.  I find myself thinking often, "How do they stay positive after all they have been through?"  I have said to myself many times, "Would I be able to do that?"  Then I think about it and say, "Oh yeah, been there, done that.  I am resilient!"

We are constantly "going with the flow" so to speak.  We plan out a day only to find that as we pull up to our first appointment, we get a text saying don't come today.  At this time, we regroup, think it over, say a prayer and turn what could have been lemons into lemonade.  Lots of trite sayings here!  We pray and head to another house.  When we call they say please come and after we get there, the man of the house who is struggling with a difficult decision says, "I think the Lord sent you here today."  He is not a member and probably will never be one.  He is catholic and 84 years old.  We love him and his wife and he says we met because the Lord wanted it that way.  He wants us to tell the world that the end is near and he is very insistent upon it.  He has had a difficult life in the mines and lost one wife.  He is resilient.

We spent an hour this afternoon with an alcoholic.  He ranted, he cried, he complained and told us his pain.  When we arrived at the door, he said, "I was standing in my room thinking I might call you and I looked out the window and there you were."  He has been through so much.  He was put in a foster home at the age of 8.  It is the only real love he has ever known.  He is now 36, having spent many years in jail and much time in rehab.  He has a daughter 3 years of age who seems to be about all he lives for.  He said he would be all right as we left.  He is resilient.

We packed up a woman and her family who Ken baptized a few months ago.  I don't know how many times she has moved after a life full of misery and pain.  As we walked away, I thought of that old song with the lyrics, if it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all.  She is not really happy to be moving yet again since she is just starting to make good friends here.  As we left her she commented that she would give this new town and ward a try.  Somehow, she manages to pop back in spite of everything.  She is resilient. 

I was commenting to a 91 year old woman at Tai Chi yesterday that she amazed me to be so active still at her age.  She said she had no choice.  That is the difference.  She has a choice and she chooses the better part.  My family and most of my friends look at things the same way she does.  They see only one choice and that is putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.  That is their choice.  It is enduring to the end.  It is resilience!

One More Precious Soul

I sat in class on Sunday with a very important person.  All of the members of the class were of course important but this person makes me marvel.  He is one of our recent converts.  I have not written about him for reasons I have not known.  We met him in a most unusual way.  Ken spoke to him at an op-shop one day shortly after we arrived here.  It was a very brief conversation about how hard it was for big men like them to find clothing in these shops.  Ken did not even take much notice of it.

Three weeks later, while out contacting less active members, I picked a name from our list.  We drove up to the home, got out of the car and walked to the door.  Upon doing that, we could hear some very loud voices out back of the house.  Ken went around to find out who was there.  A man said, "It is Elder Jarvis!"  We had never been to that home, nor had we ever met it's occupants that we knew of.  After a few seconds, Ken recognized the man from the op-shop.  He had read the name on Ken's tag and had been trying to find us.  Interestingly enough, this man is named Ken, he is a big man and he was born on April 19, Ken Jarvis' birthday as well.

We soon began teaching all the people who lived in that home, Ken, a woman and Ken's son.  He told us that he and the woman had been arguing and it probably didn't help their conversation that he kept saying things like, "What would Joseph Smith do?" with a less than amiable attitude.  As we taught him though, he began to do everything we asked him to do.  He started to read all the things we gave him, including the Book of Mormon.  He began to pray.  He and the woman split and he began living laws that are so important to our progress in the gospel.  He stopped drinking coffee, a very important thing to him and he quit smoking.

On December 1, 2012, he was baptised by Elder Jarvis.  On December 2, 2012 he received the Aaronic Priesthood and baptised his sweet 12 year old son.  His son now holds the Aaronic Priesthood which his dad confirred on him a couple of weeks later.  I have never seen such a visible change in a human being take place in such a short time but then again, I have never seen the Spirit work on anyone like it did on this man.  He is now happy, relaxed and moving forward with his life.  He is determined to make a better life for himself and his son.  He sat in class and tried to help others who were there see the direction they could take to live happier, more productive lives.

I am beginning to understand why the Lord wants us to help people reach his love and kingdom one step and one person at a time.  Each soul is precious and the Lord and the Father know this.  They are just hoping that one day, all the rest of us will discover this truth for ourselves.